Fully inhabiting the moment

The past...one of my most favorite places to hang out mentally. I have spent countless hours thinking about experiences that I have had, how great/awful they were, what my reactions to them were, how I feel about them now, who I can blame for the bad ones, what I learned from the good and bad, etc. This past-centered thinking has been a blessing and a curse for me.

Lets start with the blessings.

I am a big fan of vacations and going on them often because I believe that the cost of a vacation is offset by all the hours I will get to spend remembering the trip. I have had many a stressful day that has been helped by laying down on my hammock in the backyard and imagining that I am back on that beach in Bora Bora...feeling the breeze, and the carefree way I feel when I lie down in the middle of the day outdoors. This has been a blessing. Big time.

Another blessing is that I am able to reconnect myself emotionally to people that I haven't been in contact with by simply remembering the way I felt when I spent time with them or had a great conversation. I can see that all this is beneficial to me and has its place. Hanging out in the past is kind of like switching on the TV when you just need a mental break. The difference is that all the shows have you as the viewer and the star. This creates a situation where there can be alot of self criticism and self doubt.

Which leads me to the curse part.

I don't know about you, but any time I re-live a particular situation, especially ones involving things I regret or decisions that didn't turn out too well, I am cast as Public Enemy #1. I find myself becoming so critical of every word, every gesture that I did or didn't do, every facial expression, every tone of voice, EVERYTHING...that all I end up seeing is myself as the ruiner of the party or the destroyer of a good thing. This is something that I know is a curse!

Looking back and reviewing things is nothing but giving yourself more of an opportunity to cast doubt on who you are and your decisions...and its pointless because its OVER!

I read a really good book last summer titled A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book really awakened me to the importance of inhabiting the present moment. I am paraphrasing here but he basically says that LIFE is what is happening right this second. After this second passes, it becomes part of the past and part of your memory. The only part of your life that you actually have control over is RIGHT NOW. This was HUGE for me. He is basically saying that every second that we spend thinking about the past, we are MISSING OUT ON OUR LIVES!!! What a simple concept but also so hard to do. I have wasted years of my life thinking about the past and worse, worrying about the future.

Worry...now there is a constructive use of your time!! One of my favorite quotes and I don't even know who said it or wrote it says,

"Worry is like a rocking chair, it may give you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere".

I am a chronic worrier. If it could happen, you can be sure that I have probably spent time thinking about how I would feel, what I would do, who I would tell, and where I would go if it did happen. And guess what??? All this mental energy is a total WASTE! Because, as we all know, we can't control what is coming down the wire for us.

"So, what is your point?" you may be thinking right about now...

Well, it is to express the joy that I have found as I have made an effort to savor every moment, to fully inhabit and accept myself, my surroundings, my circumstances...both good and bad, to really be the true author of my life because I am here, right now, in the present living it!

There is no substitute for this kind of living. God blesses us all with a spiritual side that allows us to see and recognize His influence in every situation, no matter how crappy that situation may be. I feel like I am truly living and happy, even though things are not what I would choose for myself at this point in time. It is easy to be happy for a moment. I love this moment...and I love my life...and guess what?

They are the same thing.