I have a friend who is continually 'busy' doing so much stuff all the time...she never takes time out to smell the roses or do anything that creates enjoyment for herself in the moment. Its interesting though, because when she goes on vacation she is like a whole different person. She will spend an entire day laying in a lounge chair and reading a book and relaxing...hanging out, talking, enjoying her meals just totally what we in our everyday lives consider doing nothing. Its like vacation is the only time that she lets herself enjoy life. Which is so crazy because she lives in a vacation spot and could 'vacation' a little bit every day.
For whatever reason this concept of always having to be 'productive' to consider a day well spent is burned into me. I always experience guilt to some level if I have a day that I don't "get anything done". When my husband and I went to the Philippines I was amazed at the travelers that we saw from Europe..they were traveling around for a month and just soaking it all up. It made me realize that life is meant to be lived...not programmed out so that we can create 'accomplishments' for ourselves.
One thing I know is that everything we make ourselves do creates an emotional payoff for us somehow, or we wouldn't do it. I know that for me I feel like I am justifying being a stay at home mom by making sure I accomplish all this random stuff every day. When I first quit my job as a teacher and stayed home with my oldest son Andy, I was super rigid about what I did on what days and making sure that I went to bed at a certain time and you know what?? I got so burned out because I was spending my days doing things that I DIDN'T want to do. Living a life of "shoulds" and "have tos" brought me nothing but stress and guilt. Not to say that we don't all have shoulds and have tos, but they definitely don't take up every second of every day!
So, what I have been trying to do over the past few years is think of the things that I like to do on vacation...lay out, read, go for walks/hikes, explore new areas, take a nap, not cook anything/eat good food, and I am trying to make sure that I "pretend" that I am on vacation for a few minutes every day..where I let go of the should haves and the have tos and just go with the moment of what I WANT TO DO.
And I don't let myself feel guilty about it.
An example: On Saturday, we had about 20 minutes before we had to leave for my daughter Kayla's soccer game. There were a million things that I 'should have' been doing (the list never ends), but it was really nice outside..kinda warm with a breeze and I went into the backyard, put on my headphones, put on some good music and lay in my hammock.
I could have been anywhere in the world for those 20 minutes.
I imagined that I was laying out in Hawaii, on the deck of a house situated right by the beach. Let me tell you, I WAS THERE!
It felt so real.
To my mind it was real and that is all that matters because our minds cannot distinguish between our thoughts and reality...what you think is what is real to your mind!
I guess my point is is that
being 'productive' is just another way we try to control our environment so we can manipulate a certain feeling out of it.
It kind of reminds me of something that I heard said about prayers. Someone asked a question about how to stay focused when they were praying because their minds always wandered and they felt bad because they couldn't 'stay on task' in their praying. The answer was that instead of trying to control your mind so much, pay attention to where your mind wanders to...maybe you are already getting an answer to your prayer, or maybe you are receiving inspiration about a person you need to help.
I really like that concept not only in the prayer context but in the life context. Instead of thinking, "Oh, I got so sidetracked, why can't I stay focused and get things done?" Or, "I didn't do anything today except go to the gym," instead I try to think of what I did end up doing and look at that as being me living in the moment and following where it leads rather than trying to control every second of my day.
It takes some mental energy to fight off the guilties but it is so worth it to have periods of time during the day where I fully enjoy the moment for what it is.
That is the best version of 'being productive' there is.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Women!!!
We spend our whole lives as women trying to be friends with other women, trying to be acceptable to these friends, questioning whether or not we are 'good enough' for other women, wondering if we are as pretty, as thin, as fit, as fast, as productive, as lucky, as together, as__________ you fill in the blank.
I wonder why the relationships that we crave so deeply have the power and ability to cause us so much mental anguish on a regular basis?
I really think that guys have it all figured out.
They sit around and talk about whatever dumb thing is on YouTube, or whatever crazy sport thing that happened, they share a little bit about what they are doing for work, and call themselves friends. When my husband spends 6 hours with a bunch of guys, he comes home and I ask him,
"What did you guys talk about all day?" His answer, "Oh, nothing, work...your momma jokes, stuff like that.."
And I sit and think to myself, "This is the glue that holds guys together????"
Funny though, he never comes home from hanging out with the guys and wonders if he said the wrong thing, or if the other guys think he is too obnoxious, or feels lame because one guy didn't talk to him as much as the other guys.
I am beginning to think that maybe guys and their "your momma" jokes are on to something....
I wonder why the relationships that we crave so deeply have the power and ability to cause us so much mental anguish on a regular basis?
I really think that guys have it all figured out.
They sit around and talk about whatever dumb thing is on YouTube, or whatever crazy sport thing that happened, they share a little bit about what they are doing for work, and call themselves friends. When my husband spends 6 hours with a bunch of guys, he comes home and I ask him,
"What did you guys talk about all day?" His answer, "Oh, nothing, work...your momma jokes, stuff like that.."
And I sit and think to myself, "This is the glue that holds guys together????"
Funny though, he never comes home from hanging out with the guys and wonders if he said the wrong thing, or if the other guys think he is too obnoxious, or feels lame because one guy didn't talk to him as much as the other guys.
I am beginning to think that maybe guys and their "your momma" jokes are on to something....
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Food for thought...
In my recent readings I have come across a few wonderful quotes that are so interesting and powerful and have gotten my mind out of the little box its been hiding in. Hope they give you something to think about too....
Consider this perspective on surrender from Eckhart Tolle:
"Surrender. . . does not mean to passively put up with whatever situation
you find yourself in and to do nothing about it. . . Surrender is the
simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the
flow of life. . . . Non-surrender hardens your psychological form, the
shell of the ego, and so creates a strong sense of separateness. The
world around you and people in particular come to be perceived as
threatening. . . [Y]our perceptions and interpretations are (then) governed
by fear. . . Tension arises in different parts of the body, and the
body as a whole contracts. The free flow of life energy through the
body, which is essential for its healthy functioning, is greatly restricted.
. . . If you find your life situation unsatisfactory or even intolerable, it is
only by surrendering first that you can break the unconscious resistance
pattern that perpetuates that situation. . . . Surrender reconnects
you with the source-energy of Being (God). . . .No truly positive action
can arise out of an unsurrendered state of consciousness.”
Deepak Chopra contrasts Ego and Spirit:
"Behind the curtain of your intellect and emotions is your self-image or
ego. The ego is not your real self; it is the image of yourself that you
have slowly built over time. It is the mask behind which you hide, but
it is not the real you. And because it is not the real you, but a fraud, it
lives in fear. It wants approval. It needs to control. . . .The world of ego
is time-bound, temporary, fragmented, fearful, personal, self-centered,
self-absorbed, and attached to the known. The world of spirit is timeless
and eternal, free of past and future, whole, joyful, open, and accessible
to all . . . undivided, unshakable, dynamic creative, self-sufficient,
powerful, and free of limitation, expectation, and attachment."
A story used by yogis and Buddhist monks to illustrate
the problem of attachment is the technique once used to catch monkeys in South
India. Made me wonder...how am I trapped by my own attachments??
"One takes a coconut and makes a hole in it, just large enough that a
monkey can squeeze its hand in. Next, the coconut is tied down, and a
sweet put inside. The monkey smells the sweet, puts his hand into the
coconut, grabs the sweet, and because the hole is so small, he cannot get
his fist out. The monkey doesn’t consider letting go of the sweet, so it is
literally tied down by its own attachment. Often the monkeys only let go
when they fall asleep or become unconscious because of exhaustion."
And finally a quote on money...interesting for this crazy economic time!!
"Money will command your attention. Allow it a proper place in your life, but deny it a throne. Money means many things, but nothing so much as a yardstick by which your measure will be taken. The need of it, the use of it, the power of it, the love of it will be used by others to define who you are and who you are not. Even you may use it to determine how you should perceive yourself. Be careful: Money is also known to be a relentless slave master. If I have learned anything from this balancing act it is the importance of defining your worth in your own terms."
--Sidney Poitier in Life Beyond Measure: Letters to My Great-Granddaughter
Consider this perspective on surrender from Eckhart Tolle:
"Surrender. . . does not mean to passively put up with whatever situation
you find yourself in and to do nothing about it. . . Surrender is the
simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the
flow of life. . . . Non-surrender hardens your psychological form, the
shell of the ego, and so creates a strong sense of separateness. The
world around you and people in particular come to be perceived as
threatening. . . [Y]our perceptions and interpretations are (then) governed
by fear. . . Tension arises in different parts of the body, and the
body as a whole contracts. The free flow of life energy through the
body, which is essential for its healthy functioning, is greatly restricted.
. . . If you find your life situation unsatisfactory or even intolerable, it is
only by surrendering first that you can break the unconscious resistance
pattern that perpetuates that situation. . . . Surrender reconnects
you with the source-energy of Being (God). . . .No truly positive action
can arise out of an unsurrendered state of consciousness.”
Deepak Chopra contrasts Ego and Spirit:
"Behind the curtain of your intellect and emotions is your self-image or
ego. The ego is not your real self; it is the image of yourself that you
have slowly built over time. It is the mask behind which you hide, but
it is not the real you. And because it is not the real you, but a fraud, it
lives in fear. It wants approval. It needs to control. . . .The world of ego
is time-bound, temporary, fragmented, fearful, personal, self-centered,
self-absorbed, and attached to the known. The world of spirit is timeless
and eternal, free of past and future, whole, joyful, open, and accessible
to all . . . undivided, unshakable, dynamic creative, self-sufficient,
powerful, and free of limitation, expectation, and attachment."
A story used by yogis and Buddhist monks to illustrate
the problem of attachment is the technique once used to catch monkeys in South
India. Made me wonder...how am I trapped by my own attachments??
"One takes a coconut and makes a hole in it, just large enough that a
monkey can squeeze its hand in. Next, the coconut is tied down, and a
sweet put inside. The monkey smells the sweet, puts his hand into the
coconut, grabs the sweet, and because the hole is so small, he cannot get
his fist out. The monkey doesn’t consider letting go of the sweet, so it is
literally tied down by its own attachment. Often the monkeys only let go
when they fall asleep or become unconscious because of exhaustion."
And finally a quote on money...interesting for this crazy economic time!!
"Money will command your attention. Allow it a proper place in your life, but deny it a throne. Money means many things, but nothing so much as a yardstick by which your measure will be taken. The need of it, the use of it, the power of it, the love of it will be used by others to define who you are and who you are not. Even you may use it to determine how you should perceive yourself. Be careful: Money is also known to be a relentless slave master. If I have learned anything from this balancing act it is the importance of defining your worth in your own terms."
--Sidney Poitier in Life Beyond Measure: Letters to My Great-Granddaughter
Monday, August 17, 2009
Some thoughts about letting go...
I have been doing some reading online lately and I came across this passage written by Deeprak Chopra that struck me like a lightning bolt for all its simple truth:
"The search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what's the known? The known is our past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning...the unknown is the field of all possibilities, ever fresh, ever new, always open to the creation of new manifestations...This means that in every moment of your life, you will have excitement, adventure, mystery. You will experience the fun of life--the magic, the celebration, the exhilaration, and the exultation of your own spirit."
Here's to letting go of the search for security and certainty! The alternative sounds so much more exciting and makes life feel adventurous!
I did some energy work with a practitioner who used the BioSync method. This method uses pressure points in the belly to line up the 'chakras' or energy meridians in the body. A huge part of it involved what felt like a deep tissue massage in my organs. My practitioner informed me that our organs are where we store emotional pain. The process of releasing this pain can be painful..similar to a side ache.
One thing that keeps coming back to me from this session, was that when he was manipulating my organs, he would come across a resistance(which happened to be my resistance) and the resisting would cause me pain. The thing that he said over and over while pushing into my belly was,
"ALLOW! ALLOW! ALLOW!"
It wasn't until I allowed the release to happen that it actually felt better. As the session progressed, I began to allow him to release even before he started and then what was once painful felt good.
I feel like there is a parallel in this. There are so many things that we are attached to or hold on to and it is causing us pain. We feel all bunched up and tight and like we are white knuckling it through life when
all we need to do to find relief is allow ourselves to accept what is. To let go of the things we are clinging to so desperately, because it usually stands to reason that the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to let go of.
I, for one, am tired of holding on so tight. I want to let go and for the first time...really live.
"The search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what's the known? The known is our past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning...the unknown is the field of all possibilities, ever fresh, ever new, always open to the creation of new manifestations...This means that in every moment of your life, you will have excitement, adventure, mystery. You will experience the fun of life--the magic, the celebration, the exhilaration, and the exultation of your own spirit."
Here's to letting go of the search for security and certainty! The alternative sounds so much more exciting and makes life feel adventurous!
I did some energy work with a practitioner who used the BioSync method. This method uses pressure points in the belly to line up the 'chakras' or energy meridians in the body. A huge part of it involved what felt like a deep tissue massage in my organs. My practitioner informed me that our organs are where we store emotional pain. The process of releasing this pain can be painful..similar to a side ache.
One thing that keeps coming back to me from this session, was that when he was manipulating my organs, he would come across a resistance(which happened to be my resistance) and the resisting would cause me pain. The thing that he said over and over while pushing into my belly was,
"ALLOW! ALLOW! ALLOW!"
It wasn't until I allowed the release to happen that it actually felt better. As the session progressed, I began to allow him to release even before he started and then what was once painful felt good.
I feel like there is a parallel in this. There are so many things that we are attached to or hold on to and it is causing us pain. We feel all bunched up and tight and like we are white knuckling it through life when
all we need to do to find relief is allow ourselves to accept what is. To let go of the things we are clinging to so desperately, because it usually stands to reason that the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to let go of.
I, for one, am tired of holding on so tight. I want to let go and for the first time...really live.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Fully inhabiting the moment
The past...one of my most favorite places to hang out mentally. I have spent countless hours thinking about experiences that I have had, how great/awful they were, what my reactions to them were, how I feel about them now, who I can blame for the bad ones, what I learned from the good and bad, etc. This past-centered thinking has been a blessing and a curse for me.
Lets start with the blessings.
I am a big fan of vacations and going on them often because I believe that the cost of a vacation is offset by all the hours I will get to spend remembering the trip. I have had many a stressful day that has been helped by laying down on my hammock in the backyard and imagining that I am back on that beach in Bora Bora...feeling the breeze, and the carefree way I feel when I lie down in the middle of the day outdoors. This has been a blessing. Big time.
Another blessing is that I am able to reconnect myself emotionally to people that I haven't been in contact with by simply remembering the way I felt when I spent time with them or had a great conversation. I can see that all this is beneficial to me and has its place. Hanging out in the past is kind of like switching on the TV when you just need a mental break. The difference is that all the shows have you as the viewer and the star. This creates a situation where there can be alot of self criticism and self doubt.
Which leads me to the curse part.
I don't know about you, but any time I re-live a particular situation, especially ones involving things I regret or decisions that didn't turn out too well, I am cast as Public Enemy #1. I find myself becoming so critical of every word, every gesture that I did or didn't do, every facial expression, every tone of voice, EVERYTHING...that all I end up seeing is myself as the ruiner of the party or the destroyer of a good thing. This is something that I know is a curse!
Looking back and reviewing things is nothing but giving yourself more of an opportunity to cast doubt on who you are and your decisions...and its pointless because its OVER!
I read a really good book last summer titled A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book really awakened me to the importance of inhabiting the present moment. I am paraphrasing here but he basically says that LIFE is what is happening right this second. After this second passes, it becomes part of the past and part of your memory. The only part of your life that you actually have control over is RIGHT NOW. This was HUGE for me. He is basically saying that every second that we spend thinking about the past, we are MISSING OUT ON OUR LIVES!!! What a simple concept but also so hard to do. I have wasted years of my life thinking about the past and worse, worrying about the future.
Worry...now there is a constructive use of your time!! One of my favorite quotes and I don't even know who said it or wrote it says,
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it may give you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere".
I am a chronic worrier. If it could happen, you can be sure that I have probably spent time thinking about how I would feel, what I would do, who I would tell, and where I would go if it did happen. And guess what??? All this mental energy is a total WASTE! Because, as we all know, we can't control what is coming down the wire for us.
"So, what is your point?" you may be thinking right about now...
Well, it is to express the joy that I have found as I have made an effort to savor every moment, to fully inhabit and accept myself, my surroundings, my circumstances...both good and bad, to really be the true author of my life because I am here, right now, in the present living it!
There is no substitute for this kind of living. God blesses us all with a spiritual side that allows us to see and recognize His influence in every situation, no matter how crappy that situation may be. I feel like I am truly living and happy, even though things are not what I would choose for myself at this point in time. It is easy to be happy for a moment. I love this moment...and I love my life...and guess what?
They are the same thing.
Lets start with the blessings.
I am a big fan of vacations and going on them often because I believe that the cost of a vacation is offset by all the hours I will get to spend remembering the trip. I have had many a stressful day that has been helped by laying down on my hammock in the backyard and imagining that I am back on that beach in Bora Bora...feeling the breeze, and the carefree way I feel when I lie down in the middle of the day outdoors. This has been a blessing. Big time.
Another blessing is that I am able to reconnect myself emotionally to people that I haven't been in contact with by simply remembering the way I felt when I spent time with them or had a great conversation. I can see that all this is beneficial to me and has its place. Hanging out in the past is kind of like switching on the TV when you just need a mental break. The difference is that all the shows have you as the viewer and the star. This creates a situation where there can be alot of self criticism and self doubt.
Which leads me to the curse part.
I don't know about you, but any time I re-live a particular situation, especially ones involving things I regret or decisions that didn't turn out too well, I am cast as Public Enemy #1. I find myself becoming so critical of every word, every gesture that I did or didn't do, every facial expression, every tone of voice, EVERYTHING...that all I end up seeing is myself as the ruiner of the party or the destroyer of a good thing. This is something that I know is a curse!
Looking back and reviewing things is nothing but giving yourself more of an opportunity to cast doubt on who you are and your decisions...and its pointless because its OVER!
I read a really good book last summer titled A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book really awakened me to the importance of inhabiting the present moment. I am paraphrasing here but he basically says that LIFE is what is happening right this second. After this second passes, it becomes part of the past and part of your memory. The only part of your life that you actually have control over is RIGHT NOW. This was HUGE for me. He is basically saying that every second that we spend thinking about the past, we are MISSING OUT ON OUR LIVES!!! What a simple concept but also so hard to do. I have wasted years of my life thinking about the past and worse, worrying about the future.
Worry...now there is a constructive use of your time!! One of my favorite quotes and I don't even know who said it or wrote it says,
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it may give you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere".
I am a chronic worrier. If it could happen, you can be sure that I have probably spent time thinking about how I would feel, what I would do, who I would tell, and where I would go if it did happen. And guess what??? All this mental energy is a total WASTE! Because, as we all know, we can't control what is coming down the wire for us.
"So, what is your point?" you may be thinking right about now...
Well, it is to express the joy that I have found as I have made an effort to savor every moment, to fully inhabit and accept myself, my surroundings, my circumstances...both good and bad, to really be the true author of my life because I am here, right now, in the present living it!
There is no substitute for this kind of living. God blesses us all with a spiritual side that allows us to see and recognize His influence in every situation, no matter how crappy that situation may be. I feel like I am truly living and happy, even though things are not what I would choose for myself at this point in time. It is easy to be happy for a moment. I love this moment...and I love my life...and guess what?
They are the same thing.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Joining the blogging world!
Wow! That was really easy! I have been so intimidated by the whole blogging thing..its nice to see that it isn't that hard! This blog has been a long time in coming for me. I thrive on human connection and find it so interesting that I can feel connected to people by reading their postings. I have become acquainted with so many people that I have never met simply by reading their blog. I hope this has the same effect on those who read this.
This blog isn't going to be a "here's the latest going on with me" kind of blog, although I love reading them!
My life is kind of an endless string of waking up, feeding, dressing, diapering, cleaning, feeding, driving, cooking, diapering, cleaning, and putting to bed.
Not much variation from day to day. What I find to be the ONLY variation from this repetitive cycle is the new insights I gain from reading books or magazines or talking to a friend or really examining my life and having "aha!" moments. These insights help me to feel like there is some sort of method to the madness..that there is wisdom in everything whether it is good or bad and recognizing the wisdom enables us to feel just that much more balanced.
Which leads me to the title of this blog. I have been on this quest for a balanced life for a long time and I don't really ever feel like I will get there.
Its kind of like balancing on a wakeboard or any other floating thing...you think you have it all mastered, you are balancing, you give an inner cheer like, "yay! I've got it! I have finally figured this out!" only to have a huge boat wake or swell or whatever come along and chuck you straight into the water!
So, how do we get ourselves back up on that flotation device? Well, this blog is going to be the insights and aha! moments that give me the motivation to get back up and give it another try. It is my hope that something, somewhere in this blog will help you to feel better, or think differently, or entertain a new perspective, so that your life can become just a little bit more balanced!
This blog isn't going to be a "here's the latest going on with me" kind of blog, although I love reading them!
My life is kind of an endless string of waking up, feeding, dressing, diapering, cleaning, feeding, driving, cooking, diapering, cleaning, and putting to bed.
Not much variation from day to day. What I find to be the ONLY variation from this repetitive cycle is the new insights I gain from reading books or magazines or talking to a friend or really examining my life and having "aha!" moments. These insights help me to feel like there is some sort of method to the madness..that there is wisdom in everything whether it is good or bad and recognizing the wisdom enables us to feel just that much more balanced.
Which leads me to the title of this blog. I have been on this quest for a balanced life for a long time and I don't really ever feel like I will get there.
Its kind of like balancing on a wakeboard or any other floating thing...you think you have it all mastered, you are balancing, you give an inner cheer like, "yay! I've got it! I have finally figured this out!" only to have a huge boat wake or swell or whatever come along and chuck you straight into the water!
So, how do we get ourselves back up on that flotation device? Well, this blog is going to be the insights and aha! moments that give me the motivation to get back up and give it another try. It is my hope that something, somewhere in this blog will help you to feel better, or think differently, or entertain a new perspective, so that your life can become just a little bit more balanced!
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